The most frequent comment I’ve heard about Curtis, before and since his death, is some variation of “how much he loved his life”.

Everyone has their own way of expressing it – but as far as I can tell, everyone means and is recognizing the]]>

The most frequent comment I’ve heard about Curtis, before and since his death, is some variation of “how much he loved his life”.

Everyone has their own way of expressing it – but as far as I can tell, everyone means and is recognizing the same thing in Curtis.

That he loved his life. That he had an overwhelming, almost blinding enthusiasm for it. That he possessed an indescribable level of curiosity and degree of fascination for everything and everyone he encountered.

You literally couldn’t keep him down. Joy was the norm. Setbacks and unfortunate events were just roadblocks, soon to be left in the dust, no matter how big or bad they might seem at first.

• Total your car? Move on. Life’s incredible.
• Watch your Jeep sink in the ocean? Movin right along. Life’s incredible.
• Get in trouble with the law? Moving on. Life’s incredible.
• Feel lost and without a purpose in life? Pressing on. Life’s incredible – every second of it.

This was an attitude we all cherished in Curtis. I think we cherish it for two reasons. One, because it is something we know we are capable of, and desire to live. And two … it is something very rarely seen today. It is almost unheard of – yet we know it to be possible, even if it ends up looking different from Curtis’s depiction when we express it.

What I’d like to point out today, is something that’s taken me a long time to understand – that the attitude Curtis lived his life by, was an expression of something much deeper.

It was an expression of how much he loved his life. And love, in the most general sense, is to value.

In essence, Curtis valued his life and the joy living it brought him, to the highest degree possible – absolutely and completely.

As much as a person can.

While Curtis was not perfect, and sometimes got the details wrong living his life (speeding tickets come to mind), this — the most important part — was utterly consistent.

That he valued his life all the way down to the point that was possible to him. 100%. And he never let anything hold him back from that. Ever.

— Anthony

Today is Curtis’s birthday. I have decided to honor him by sharing a funny story from our time together – a story where I accidentally knocked Curtis out, stone cold.

It began when we decided to go camping to the island pictured above – Cayo Costa – yet]]>

Today is Curtis’s birthday. I have decided to honor him by sharing a funny story from our time together – a story where I accidentally knocked Curtis out, stone cold.

It began when we decided to go camping to the island pictured above – Cayo Costa – yet we couldn’t find anyone else to go.

Naturally, we decided to just go anyway, not caring that it would just be us and those we met on the island.

On the way there in my boat, we ran out of gas right as we made it to a marina for gas. Lucky for us, they had just closed, and refused to open for us.

As usual, Curtis’s dad, who was in the middle of dinner, came to our rescue all the way out on Sanibel island at about 6pm at night. He brought us gas cans, and we eventually filled the boat with enough gas to get to Cayo Costa – a good hour boat ride from Sanibel, with the sun going down fast.

Rather than listen to his father’s advice, we opted to ride all the way to Cayo Costa State Park. We made it in good time, enough to go tubing on the gulf side of the island.

We met with two girls who we knew were going to be camping on the island with their family, and after unpacking most of the equipment from the boat, we went tubing.

Sounds normal enough, but unfortunately for Curtis – who went first – the waves were about 4 feet high – which is really really high for tubing conditions.

Reckless as I was at the time, I decided to go way faster than I knew was safe while driving the boat with Curtis in tow.

Risk taker that he was, Curtis probably enjoyed the speed, until he hit a wave that sent him flying 50 feet through the air, stopping abruptly when he crashed into a huge wave.

I should clarify here: Curtis went flying not only from hitting a wave, but hitting a wave on a whiplash, which is where the tube nearly doubles in speed compared to the boat due to the angle it was being pulled at.

All in all, Curtis probably hit close to 90 miles an hour at his peak of flying through the air. I remember seeing this happen, and it was like something out of a movie.

When he hit the water, I knew right away that it had to have hurt pretty damn bad, since I had never seen anyone hit the water going that fast, not to mention, a wall of water like a 4 foot wave.

Sure enough I pull up and Curtis is face down in the water, not moving.

Barely 16, I about shit my pants, shut the engine off, and jump in after him.

By the time I rolled him over, a good 30 seconds had passed by where his face was down in the water, and his body limp.

Thankfully, he starts gasping for air and spitting out water.

I manage to drag him in the boat, his entire body blood red – belly flop style.

He doesn’t say a word. When we get to the beach, he is mightily and rightly fuming pissed at me. In reality, I could have killed him going that fast in that rough of water.

Oops.

For the next two hours, we don’t speak much. Eventually, he calms down, and forgives me for throwing him into a water wall at 90 MPH.

Forgave me because there was no bad intention, which is something I think Curtis was good at.

Forgiving others when it was right, and not forgiving them when serious foul was done against him or someone he cared about.

…

And that was the story of how I knocked Curtis out cold.

Happy birthday bud, you’re missed greatly.

– Anthony

For four years in a row I have hosted The 21 Convention. Many have helped along the way, but no one has been the spear head aside from myself.

I have bared the weight of]]>

This is a repost from my personal blog, The Dream Lounge, made earlier today.

For four years in a row I have hosted The 21 Convention. Many have helped along the way, but no one has been the spear head aside from myself.

I have bared the weight of my own creation – and carried it on my own terms every step of the way.

Similarly, I have hosted a camping trip to Cayo Costa for four years in a row – but I was not always the spear head of it.

My former best friend Curtis Noll was the first year, 2007.

He died shortly before the second trip was to be held. The last question I ever asked him was whether or not he wished to continue it – he did.

And I have.

But, it is one act to carry on a camping trip an additional year in the memory of a friend’s last wish – it is entirely another to continue it multiple years beyond that.

This fourth trip I thought long and hard about why I continue, since planning the trip consumes a good deal of my time and effort – two things I value very much.

My conclusion is not conventional. I do not host the trip for my friends, nor do I host it for Curtis any more.

I do it for my own self and my own desire – the desire to right a wrong, in and of itself.

That wrong was the death of Curtis. He was not meant to die that early. Finally realizing this – and the reason behind it – nearly brought me to tears yesterday

Curtis was not meant to die for a number of reasons, but chief among them was because he was an Atlas.

And the great tragedy is not the loss for the rest of us – a man who bared the weight of many world’s on his shoulders to our benefit – but the loss was his own.

Curtis was well on his way to reaching life’s potential and man’s true nature. Every minute of his life that I knew him, was an expression of this extraordinarily rare path.

The first Cayo Costa camping trip was the peak expression of this path before his death. It was a prelude to achievements of his that never had time to manifest – time that was robbed from him by force of disease.

Continuing the trip beyond his last expectation honors Curtis in the best way I know how, and the greatness that awaited him.

In essence, it rights the wrong of a tragic robbery.

Tragic for reasons already mentioned, in addition to the fact that now is the time more than ever that we need men like Curtis to rise to the challenge of supporting an incredible weight, voluntarily, and for their own reasons.

Men who speak and act in their own way, and on their own terms — in spite of those who would have them compromise.

Men of integrity.

Men like Curtis.

-Anthony

So here I]]> It’s been a while since I’ve written a post about Curtis for this website. I’ve thought about it pretty frequently since my last post in April – as Curtis crosses my mind in some way nearly every day – but I have not taken the time to sit down and write something up.

So here I am.

Today’s title: What Would Curtis Do?

Today’s topic, nearly one in the same as the title, under the light of life experiences since my last posting here. And just what has been happening in my life since?

A whole lot actually. Good, not so good, and everywhere in between. I’ve been through thick and thin basically, probably like a lot of other people reading this. And by “thick and thin”, I mean both as a direct result of my decisions and chosen path in life, as well as with events and circumstances entirely out of my control.

An example of the former would be the business I run, and have chosen to devote myself fully to – including the ‘temporary’ postponement of college.

An example of the latter would be my 91 year old grandmother and her short time left on this Earth (she’s ill, and I don’t believe she’ll be around much longer in her current condition).

While these two examples differ dramatically in source – one is within my sphere of influence and the other is not – I guide myself through both types of experiences with the same guiding principle: WWCD.

What Would Curtis Do.

Surprisingly enough, this is more of an eupehmism than anything else, because my answer to the question is always the same: Curtis would do what he decides is right, at all costs.

Of all things unique and remarkable about Curtis, this was perhaps one of the greatest – his inflexiblity with regards to “right action”, at an incredibly young age.

This by no means made Curtis a perfect, infallible person, far from it in fact – but there is perfection in imperfection, and Curtis is the ideal man for this expression.

As far my memory serves me, Curtis never compromised for his highest value, his most important virtue – to do what is right, by his own judgement, at all times, and in all ways.

In an age increasingly saturated with compromise, hypocrisy, contradiction, ambiguity, and other words synonymous with politically correct nonsense, this was indeed the rare trait of an even rarer man – a trait that many of us deeply respected and admired, not unlike Curtis himself – knowingly or unknowingly.

Which leaves me to wonder why exactly Curtis is missed so much, by so many. Obviously, it’s tragic a bright young man with an even brighter future died of cancer, both for his immense amount of friends, and of course, his immediate and extended family.

But what I’m getting at is a whole lot different – that deep down, Curtis is missed so much by many because we (conciously or unconsciously), recognized that Curtis was an extremley rare breed of man.

The kind of man who was extremely independent, had a disdain for arbitrary authority, and an even greater disdain for blind obedience – and above all, always acted upon what he decided was the right course of action, for himself, his family, and his friends – even if others overwhelmingly disagreed with his decisions.

While once praised, these traits have been progressively shunned into oblivion over the past few decades, leaving me to wonder how much we miss not only the young man Curtis Noll, but what he stood for as well.

What he expressed so vividly in his short life, that he woke up every day to live fully and completely.

I had recently met Nick Howard on the school bus during our first day at Fort Myers High School (it’s scary how long ago that was, and how fast time has passed!). So this was …  early September of 2002 I believe.

Nick and]]>

Surprise, you can bet your butt it was a day I’ll never forget!

I had recently met Nick Howard on the school bus during our first day at Fort Myers High School (it’s scary how long ago that was, and how fast time has passed!). So this was …  early September of 2002 I believe.

Nick and I were both into boats, and water sports, so naturally we started talking about this commonality – while simultaneously being terrified of going to ‘high school’ for our first time. Eventually we discovered we both owned boats, and soon after decided to take one of them out for a spin to do some wake boarding.

At some point Nick mentioned something along the lines of bringing his “crazy friend Curtis” (don’t quote me on that). And sure enough we all ended up going wake boarding in my boat, and having a great time. Not surprisingly, Curtis was many times better than myself at the sport, and probably 2-3x better than Nick =P.

That wasn’t exactly how I met Curtis though. I met him just before going out on the boat where we more or less ‘hung out’ for the first time. He and Nick had come to my house – perhaps to bring me to Nick’s house to check out the wake boards – and Curtis had pulled into my driveway rather fast.

What made the next 60 seconds interesting was two fold.

One: Curtis being young, and wanting to speed in his green Mustang (age perhaps being irrelevant now that I think about it).

Two: The street my house was on, was under heavy construction. Essentially, all of the asphault had been torn up and was in the mean time dirt/small rocks.

These two factors, in conjunction, created one of the most frightening car rides of my life. We didn’t go that fast of course, but with Curtis and Nick manically laughing their heads off, dirt flying everywhere, and the car swerving everywhere … well, you get the picture (and I was barely 14 no less).

In any case, once he pulled onto El Dorado he toned it down a bit as it was all in good fun.

However, the last thing I remember, and never forgot, was this song (maybe not safe for work) that started playing in his car.

Now, this may be news to some, but I am for the most part musically and culturally ‘ignorant’ for lack of a better term. In light of this, I never knew who sang this song, or what the title of the song was (thanks to Caity Kauffman for the find), BUT, I knew it sounded really cool in Curtis’s Mustang with his after-market sub-woofers.

What’s interesting is that for years, and years, and years, this was virtually the only song I requested Curtis play in his car.

All sorts of people would request all sorts of music in the Curtismobile, but I always asked “Hey man, can you play that BOOOM AND THE AMPLIFIERS song?”

Never once did he mention the title HA!

He would just play it if he had the CD with him, or if he didn’t, I was SOL.

Fun times, fun goofy music.

I remember sitting out in front of Curtis’s house cracking open coconuts some time ago. How long ago exactly, I really can’t say.

But I remember it pretty vividly, and I don’t know why. We were just bored one]]> Nothing too deep today, just a fond memory. (Perhaps, in an entirely heterosexual way, the fondest of all).

I remember sitting out in front of Curtis’s house cracking open coconuts some time ago. How long ago exactly, I really can’t say.

But I remember it pretty vividly, and I don’t know why. We were just bored one day, bored out of our minds in “Cape Coma” as the youngins call it .

We decided to go back behind his house, and possibly his neighbor’s as well (what else is new right? lol), grab fallen coconuts, crack them open, and eat the flesh/drink the water (coconut “water” is actually what we find in coconuts, not “milk” which is a product).

No particular reason. We both liked coconuts, but weren’t crazy about them. We just decided to grab coconuts, and eat them, out of sheer boredom!

It was somehow invigorating then – I suspect due to the hands on work required that is so foreign to my generation today- and highly amusing now. Two kids with nothing better to do than eat coconuts on a hot summer day…

I don’t even remember how we opened them exactly, but I do remember it being a major pain in the butt – far harder than either of us anticipated on the top of his driveway.

The coconut “meat” itself was delicious, the water, ehh, not so bad, not so good, just OK.

This of course, doesn’t apply to the coconut water we spilled all over ourselves in the process of cracking open coconuts on a driveway/with a hatchet of some kind.

I might even remember his dad laughing at us… wondering what the hell we were doing cracking open coconuts on his driveway at high noon. Ha!

Anyway, I wanted to point out that this, honestly, is one of the fondest memories I have of hanging out with Curtis. It was ridiculously simple, and there wasn’t any real point to eating the coconuts… but maybe that’s the point, and why most of this memory is so clear in my head, almost like a video.

The knack that interests me today though is his watchful eye – is because, somehow, I still think it’s around.

Some 2 and a half years ago I made one of the biggest mistakes of my]]> Curtis had a knack for a lot of different things. Some good, some not so good – like traffic violations =).

The knack that interests me today though is his watchful eye – is because, somehow, I still think it’s around.

Some 2 and a half years ago I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and managed to drag Curtis into it (for once I was getting us into trouble, and Mr. Noll wasn’t around to save us!).  It’s a tale for another day, but for relevancy’s sake let’s say that my past caught up with me today to at least some degree.

That “catching up” required my immediate attention, via phone and at UCF Campus. I wasn’t worried or stressed however, unlike my history with this specific incident. In fact, I felt “pumped”. I was FED UP dealing with something as utterly ridiculous and ancient as this.

What I felt, and the way I behaved, was assertive.

And I have to wonder, how much of that is due to

1. Hanging out with Curtis (who was incredibly assertive)
2. The fact that this “incident” had a lot to do with Curtis

After dealing with a few phone conversations I ventured off to UCF Legal Services. Upon arriving I met this girl who was in the waiting area. We began talking, and I soon found out her brother had died in December of 2009 – hit by a car in his wheelchair no less.

I could immediately tell she was uncomfortable talking about it, so I didn’t pry for any more information. She then asked why I was in the office, and I told her – for the next 20 minutes.

From A-Z, what had happened, Curtis’s involvement, and eventual death. Strangely, it was the first time I could remember where I had spoken about Curtis, vividly, and wasn’t choked up about it.

In fact I was strangely calm, and clear.

And you know what? From what I could see, it cheered her up. For what reason, I’ll never know for sure. My hunch however is that she knew that I could relate to the passing of her brother just ~2 months ago.

Under that same light, she could see that I was no longer uncomfortable talking about Curtis. Sure, it’s a touchy subject, and I certainly feel sorrow when speaking about him – but it’s a total 180 from her situation.

Me in her situation? (time wise).

I was depressed to the Nth degree inside. For weeks, months on end, I felt sad, weird, and what have you inside. Name the feeling that makes you want to choke up and start crying (or indeed, causes such action), and I felt it – as I’m sure she does just weeks after her brother’s brutal death.

Anyway, I had to wait another 30 minutes while she was with my legal counsel drawing up her will. During that time, I had to wonder, how much did Curtis influence what just happened?

Indirectly through the memories and impressions he left behind, or even directly?

I’m not especially superstitious or even religious for that matter – but to see a sibling left behind go from the brink of tears, to nearly laughing at some of the things I said about what Curtis and I did, nearly 2.5 years ago?

That’s an impressive legacy to say the least on Curtis’s part.

And hey, it looks like everything is going to turn out alright after all this time. Watchful eye indeed.

-Anthony